Are You Being Gaslit?
How often have you been the victim — or the perpetrator — of gaslighting?
Where does gaslighting most often creep into oil & gas workplaces?
How do you deal with the fallout when it happens?
For help answering those questions, check out Episode 120 of The Energy Detox.
Then register for:
1) The September 17, 2025 WEN happy hour, sponsored in part by Witting Partners; and
2) The Marcellus Shale Coalition’s SHALE INSIGHT® 2025 conference
Cocktail recipe
The Gaslight
Description:
200 years after Fredonia, NY first lit its streets with natural gas, many New Yorkers still unwittingly use gaslights — powered by Pennsylvania’s miraculous Marcellus molecules.
Meanwhile, energy leaders like you may be unwittingly gaslighting others — or being gaslit yourself.
As a refreshing reminder of those truths, enjoy The Gaslight cocktail — free during the Women’s Energy Network Shale Insight Happy Hour on September 17, 2025, in Erie, PA. Or make one yourself, combining bourbon, bubbles, and the warm orange glow of Grand Marnier.
Ingredients:
1 oz. bourbon
0.5 oz. maple syrup
0.5 oz. fresh lemon juice
0.25 oz. Gran Marnier
3 oz. prosecco
ice
Instructions:
In a shaker, combine ice, bourbon, maple syrup, lemon juice, and Gran Marnier
Shake lightly
Strain mixture into rocks glass with ice
Gently top with prosecco
Garnish with a orange peel
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Transcript
(AI training in progress; please excuse any errors)
How many times throughout your career have you been a victim of gaslighting, and how many times have you been the person responsible for gaslighting somebody else? Well, today, on The Energy Detox, we're going to dive into the topic of gaslighting, especially in oil and gas, and especially amidst all of the consolidation and mergers and acquisitions and layoffs that have been occurring in our industry.
00:21
But before we do that, we are, of course, going to define what gaslighting actually is. And I don't think there's any better place to define gaslighting than where I, Joe Sinnott, am right now, in Fredonia, New York, because here at the monument just over my shoulder is a marker indicating a significant event that occurred 200 years ago, and that is when the residents of Fredonia, New York, were gaslit for the first time, because a gentleman by the name of William Hart drilled the well, a couple years before 1825, and that well produced gas, and that gas ultimately was piped to gas lights, making Fredonia the first town in the country to light its streets with natural gas, or at least natural gas produced from a well, from resources that are underneath our feet, as opposed to some other wells in some other cities before that that were from gas that were produced through other mechanisms.
But anyway, setting aside the details, this setting is perfect to at least talk about literal gaslighting, which again, is also a topic that you will be able to find about an hour to the west of where I am today in Erie, Pennsylvania, with the upcoming Shale Insight conference, where no doubt many of the hundreds of attendees, including myself, will find ourselves talking about how the world, 200 years after the gaslighting of Fredonia, New York, continues to be gaslit. It might not be as direct as it once was, but certainly the lights that are in your house, the things that power our modern civilization are in many ways still lit by or fueled by gas, by electrons produced from natural gas that, in turn allow us to have our artificial light and allow us to enjoy our 24/7 existence.
01:58
That being said, setting aside the literal gaslighting. What is the figurative definition of gaslighting? What are we talking about today on The Energy Detox? Well, the gas lighting we're talking about today is manipulation, in particular, manipulation of somebody that causes them to question their sense of reality, that causes them, in some cases, to go insane, to go crazy. And this gaslighting originated from a play and then ultimately two movies in 1940 and 1944, all by the name of Gaslight. And the story is about a man who is a career criminal, and he marries a woman with the explicit intent of taking over her estate. But in order to get to that point where he can take over her estate, he decides that he's going to make her think that she's crazy, so that ultimately he can institutionalize her and, again, take control of everything that she has access to.
02:51
And while he does all kinds of different things to manipulate her into thinking that she's crazy, one of the things he does is continually lower the gas lights in their home so that she sees them getting dimmer, and when she shares this with her husband, the husband says, No, nothing's changed, causing her again to start questioning if what she's seeing is really real.
So that being said, and with that backdrop there, we're going to talk about some specific things that occur, especially in oil and gas, and of course, some things that you can do to better navigate gaslighting, whether you are the gaslighter or the gaslighted party.
03:26
But before we do that, I want to share a bit of a PSA here, because as I said, the Shale Insight conference is coming up a mere hour from where I am right now. And during that Shale Insight conference, you can participate in a free happy hour put on by the Women's Energy Network. And during that happy hour on September 17, from six to nine pm you will have access to several reminders of the things that we're going to be talking about today, all connected to gaslights.
03:52
One of those things is a signature cocktail, sponsored by my company Witting Partners, called The Gaslight. And another is about 400 of these M & M filled light bulbs that serve as a reminder, including this little hang tag here, that reminds you of the things we're talking about today, and in particular, the importance of not being an unwitting gaslighter, or, again, not allowing yourself to be unwittingly gaslit.
So that being said, again, September 17 in Erie. If you want more information about the happy hour, about Shale Insight, about the drink, including ingredients and instructions, or any of the topics we're talking about today, you can actually head on over to GaslightLeader.com
04:37
With that, PSA out of the way, but wrapping up the introduction for just a minute longer, I would be remiss not to point out the fact that I am currently in New York state, a state that has multiple natural gas bans, one of which is the frac ban that essentially bans the development of natural gas that has been outstanding now for quite a while, and the newer ban on natural gas hookups for new construction [See Episode 50 of The Energy Detox, “Why are you banning fuel sources that could re-energize your organization?”]
But it's worth pointing all that out, because despite all of those bans, there are countless New Yorkers who are still, what? They're unwittingly being gaslit. As I said before about the Shale Insight conference, there's people throughout the United States who don't even realize that their lives are powered by...the lights in their homes are powered by natural gas, in particular, natural gas from Marcellus and Utica formations that are just across the border into Pennsylvania.
05:24
But setting aside all of that and then using both the literal and, again, figurative gaslighting origins as a backdrop here, let's talk about some of those specific instances of gaslighting that you likely encounter and certainly that I encounter now as an executive coach to the oil and gas industry. And one of those, going back to the world of mergers and acquisitions and layoffs, is the age old story of an individual who already has a full plate. And again, I trust that you've been there too. Maybe you're already doing the work of one and a half people, but something happens, restructuring, layoffs, whatever. Next thing you know, you're doing the work of two or more people, and dutiful employee that you are, hard working individual that you are, you put your head down, you plow through. But at some point, at some point, you decide to broach this topic with your manager. You decide to say, hey, you know, I don't mind working hard here, but it seems a bit overwhelming. It seems unsustainable.
06:17
And in some instances, you might be met with gaslighting...that is, a response from, say, your manager that questions your commitment, that questions your ability to hang in this industry, in whatever role you're in and whatever company you're in, and again, it could start to chip away at your credibility, or at least you know, have you starting to question, if you really are committed? Are you capable of doing all of this, even if you know full well that you're just as capable and just as committed as anybody else, and why?
06:48
Why would a leader do that, you know, consciously or unconsciously? Well, again, there's lots of reasons that we won't dive into today, but a lot of it starts with insecurity, an inability to address the elephant in the room, that being again, a desire to do more with less. But then you know the trade offs of doing more with less when it comes to your personnel. And sometimes, of course, you know what? That feedback about your commitment...you know, it may have merit. But it's those instances where it's really an instance of gaslighting that you need to be on guard against and, again, as we'll talk about here in a little bit, find some proper ways to navigate that gaslighting situation.
07:12
Another instance, a very common instance, that I'm going to assume you have encountered multiple times in your career, is when you are told to do something, or told how to do something, and you go forth, or a team goes forth, produces the product that was requested. You go back to the person who requested it, and you are met with "It's not what I asked for. It's not how I said to do that."
07:42
That, in many instances, can be a form of gaslighting, twisting the truth, making you question your reality. Did you really hear the instructions as you thought you heard them? Now, again, sometimes there's truth to it. Sometimes you did something that you know was never actually said. But in some instances, it's gaslighting, and it's up to you to be on guard for those times when you might be being gaslit. Or, in particular, for this example, you might be the one who has people coming back to you, and your knee jerk response is to say, "Well, I didn't ask for that" without taking pause and saying, "Well, you know what? Maybe I'm wrong here. Maybe I did." Again, both sides of the equation there for you to be on guard against.
08:21
Another example, and this one is really tied to mergers and acquisitions, and especially internal changes within teams and within leadership. And this is what I like to call revisionist history gaslighting. And this is when you know full well how things were done before. You were likely a part of it. And you know that things may have been done really well. Things may have been moving very smoothly, and then, you know, fast forward to today, and they're not clicking along as good. Things aren't in as good a shape as they once were, or vice versa. You know, maybe things were really horrible back in the past under different regimes or different processes, and maybe now they're better.
08:56
But if you decide to share that observation with other people, you might be met with gaslighting. You might be met with people who say, Oh, you know what, things weren't as good as you remember, or things weren't as bad as you remember. And again, that can cause you to start to question how you really are remembering things. Are you wrong? Are you going crazy? And again, why would somebody do that consciously or unconsciously? Well, some people are gaslighting out of again, whether it's narcissism, whether it's trying to protect some sort of narrative. Very often in this particular situation, what I run into is that, you know, they're trying to protect some sort of individual, some sort of story, again, positive or negative, about some leader, past, present or future, to maybe put themselves in a different light or a better light, or erase mistakes. Again, regardless of the origins this historical revisionist gaslighting, if you will, is real. And again, it especially happens when there's changes within an organization and people are trying to plot or plan a path forward.
09:51
One final example that I'll share today in the interest of time, amidst countless other examples of gaslighting, is somewhat related to that first one, but it's essentially not getting recognition for the work that you've done. And in particular, it's when you do something and actually do it well. But it seems like not only do you not get credit for it, but it seems like maybe credit is going elsewhere, somebody else is getting credit, or some other team is getting credit. And even if you don't care, you might decide to broach this with a superior or somebody else. And you might be met with gaslighting,.You might, for instance, say, hey, you know, I did this project, but it seems like somebody else is actually running with it now. Or it seems like, you know, there's some chat or some email chains that I'm not on, even though it's related to this project that I spearheaded. Or perhaps this project is being showcased to executive leadership and I'd love to be in the room.
10:43
A gaslighting leader may very well respond by trivializing your concerns, maybe trivializing your your work, maybe minimizing the the realities of people talking about your project or being showcased to other people without you being there. You know, maybe they'll say, "Hey, you know those emails, they really didn't matter. Or you ARE getting credit. Actually, everybody's talking about you. Or, you know what, you don't want to be in those conversations with the executive team that's bad news."
11:07
All of those types of things can, again, be subtle, manipulative examples of gaslighting. And we can go on and on, but you know, these all carry the same pattern, which begs the question, well, what can you do about it? How can you boost your awareness? And, of course how do you navigate being gaslit? Or at least, you know, recognize those times where you might be unwittingly gaslighting others?
11:28
Well, there's a couple key tips here, the first of which is trust your gut. Trust your gut. Start there at least. If your gut tells you that something's off, well, there's probably some merit to it. Now you can't stop there, of course, because, you know what? Your gut could be wrong.
11:43
So the next step is to find somebody to gut check you, ideally, somebody independent, somebody you trust. And I say this as a coach who spends a lot of time gut checking individuals, people who come to me and say, "You know, Joe..." sometimes it's word for word... "Am I crazy? Am I missing something?" And guess what? Sometimes they are, and sometimes it's my job to help them understand that, you know what? The feedback that you're getting from somebody else? It's not gaslighting. It's real and it's warranted. And let's kind of digest why, you know, maybe you see things differently. But in other instances, it's absolutely gaslighting. It's absolutely a twisting of the truth. Again, it's manipulation, whether it's conscious or unconscious. And you know that trusted person, that gut check, that coach, if you will, can help you navigate that as clear headedly as possible.
12:26
Another tool, stick to the facts. This almost goes without saying, but don't allow yourself to get caught up in sort of these vaguerisms and these arm waving type things, these generalities about your performance, your commitment, or things like that. Stick with the facts, including, you know, the fact of how you see things, how you remember things, what you know to be true. Even if what you know to be true really isn't, the fact that you believe it is true. And you can start there, you can pause there, you can revisit this conversation later on, but don't engage. Don't give credence to an individual, especially if somebody's doing it fairly consciously, who thrives on that manipulation, thrives on that control, and is only going to grow stronger, if you will, if you allow them to believe what it is that they're saying.
13:11
And the final tip for today, at least, is something that I'm surprised, if not flabbergasted in 2025 doesn't happen as much as it could. That is to document things, to write them down. Again, it might seem petty. It might seem small, to capture instructions from somebody, to capture interactions, to document the work that you've done, that you've delivered. But I'll tell you what, unless you want to be a victim of gaslighting, unless you want to waste all kinds of time and energy fighting through the implications of gaslighting. Whether you're at risk of being gaslight yourself, or whether you're in the position to gaslight others, documenting things is the easiest, simplest, freest thing that you can do.
13:50
And so with that, I encourage you to do all of those things. I also encourage you, once again, to head on over to GaslightLeader.com where, again, you can get information about Shale Insight, about the Women's Energy Network happy hour on September 17, about everything that we talked about today, and as a reminder, for the gaslight cocktail instructions and for a little bit more information about these little light bulbs here that you can walk away with on September 17 during that happy hour.
14:16
So with that, thank you for joining me, Joe Sinnott, here from Fredonia, New York. Thank you for helping to honor the "father of the natural gas industry," William Hart, who, 200 years ago, right around this very spot with this marker here, drilled that well...or dug that well...down about 27 feet, depending on what term you want to use, gaslit Fredonia, New York for the very first time. So with that, thanks again for joining me here. Hope to see you up in Erie, and until next time, take care, be well, and have a great rest of the day.