Authentically Fraudulent: What an Energy Industry Layoff Taught Me About Purpose & Passion (Part 1)
There’s one F-word that makes people shudder in corporate America, and it’s not the same one your grandmother might shake her finger at. The word is “fraud,” and embracing it now doesn’t mean you’re headed to jail. In fact, it could mean you’re headed to a much more satisfying and sustainable life.
Using a personal story of self-discovery, we explore how some layoff-induced (or quarantine-induced) reflection can determine whether you’ve been living a “fraudulent” existence, while asking challenging questions to make sure the labels you’re giving yourself or others don’t limit opportunities for future success.
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TRANSCRIPT:
00:00
Hello and welcome to The Energy Detox, a leadership podcast with oilfield flair. Our mission here and the mission of our sponsor Witting Partners is to help you practically find and remove the junk that is unwittingly holding you back from producing sustainable success in both your professional and your personal lives.
00:33
I'm your host, Joe Sinnott, and today we're going to use the F-word a whole bunch, but not the colorful four letter F-word that you might expect from an oilfield-themed podcast...and not the four letter (and sometimes five letter) F-word that can cause some people who think about the industry to cringe—that, of course, being the word "frac(k)." But we'll be using a word that is far more earth-shattering and spine-tingling, especially if you work for a public company or if you are in the world of accounting or you have ever signed a 10-K.
01:04
And that word is "fraud," and we're going to start by talking about the moment when I realized that I was a fraud and how this fueled a personal energy transition, so to speak. And when I say "energy transition," I don't mean a transition from fossil fuels to renewable energy (noble as that might be), but my own transition from a decade and a half of pouring my energy into technical roles within the oil and gas industry to a new role where my energy and passion and purpose centers far more on the people and the non-technical decisions that determine whether or not individuals, teams, and organizations can sustain whatever success they have achieved to-date.
01:45
And our specific goal today will be to help you—regardless of where you're at in your professional and personal lives, especially if those lives are being upended by the current craziness we are all enduring—to more confidently and sustainably lead yourself and your family into the future and into the "new normal," with "new normal," of course, being one of the top five over-used phrases of the last few months.
02:08
So, through some anecdotes from my personal journey and, more importantly, through practical questions you can ask yourself, we'll arm you with an approach that can help you drill down and make discoveries that can clarify and fuel the next critical steps that you can begin taking today. And hopefully—if we're successful—you'll begin to understand the areas in which you might be investing too much energy into what might be characterized as "fraudulent activities." And you'll instead be able to commit that energy to the things that cement your authenticity while employing a new mindset—and perhaps some new sources of energy—that will sustain you well into the next phase of your life.
02:45
And before jumping into the meat of the conversation and trying to support all of the promises I'm making to you that probably have you thinking that I'm just going to defraud you of your precious time if you decide to keep listening to this podcast, I also want to share that we've decided to break this topic up into two parts:
Part 1 today will focus on the moment when I discovered that I was a fraud and how that feeling quickly turned positive when I also determined that I was at least an “authentic fraud”...whatever the heck that means. And today we'll also talk through some of the higher level thoughts that played into this major self-discovery, if you will.
03:21
And if you find value in Part 1, then Part 2 will go into a little more detail about how to apply this concept of being "authentically fraudulent" to your day-to-day life and the smaller decisions you make on a regular basis. And we'll also take some time in Part 2 to rewind the clock a bit and step through the many different signs from the last two decades of my life that I was ignoring while using some other analogies to help you heighten your awareness of those times when the way you unwittingly allow yourself to be perceived can be limiting your opportunities and hurting the odds of you being successful.
03:56
So with that disclaimer out of the way, let's begin with the moment that I, Joseph Michael Sinnott, determined that I had been living an authentically fraudulent existence. And that moment was a Friday night last year, July 19th (National Ice Cream Day, in fact). And the night before, my wife and I had taped a giant piece of butcher paper to our bedroom wall, borrowed a box of markers from the kids, and began brainstorming, thinking, and mapping out priorities and goals and dreams and random thoughts while attempting to derive a new family mission statement.
04:34
And on the heels of that exercise, I spent much of the following day—that Friday—with my head spinning and processing tremendous thoughts, all related to what the future might look like for me and my family. Because I knew at the time—and I had known for a few weeks—that the 11+ years I had spent with my current employer, which had provided me tons of opportunities as it grew into the largest producer of natural gas in the United States, would almost certainly be coming to a close in the coming weeks, thanks to a sweeping change of management.
05:05
And as unsettling as that situation can be, of course, and as much pressure as one can feel to make decisions that will support the well-being of a spouse and four young children, it was also freeing to be somewhat forced to be going through these mental exercises and thinking so intently about what was in store for us. But those thoughts really didn't converge on anything specific until that evening of the 19th when my wife decided to pack up all four kids and take them to the community pool down the road to meet up with another family, leaving me at home with my thoughts and a kitchen overflowing with the usual mess of dinner for me to clean up, which I was happy to do, of course.
05:42
Although almost immediately after they left, and as soon as that quiet of the moment took hold after everyone was gone, I began to have a realization of sorts. And thinking it would just be a thought or two, I grabbed my phone to tap those thoughts into it and created a note that I could look at later. But those thoughts kept flowing and they became more clear and more powerful. And I kept tapping away into my phone, not wanting to completely give in to whatever was happening at the moment by grabbing my laptop and reducing the carpal tunnel-inducing typing I was doing on my phone.
06:14
So I just I just stood there. I kept tapping away. And the thoughts kept coming...clear as could be. And this happened for nearly two hours. And when my wife and kids got home, she found me in the kitchen still with the same mess and pile of dishes that was there when she left...and somewhat confused or shocked or worried or whatever, she focused first on transitioning the over-tired kids to bed quickly...and patiently waited until later on to hear my excuse for whatever the heck she walked in on.
06:44
And what I so excitedly shared with her eventually was that this 2 hour epiphany that had occurred while she was at the pool could be summarized like this: I am a fraud! My life to that point had been a fraud! I was fraudulent!
07:01
Now, when you meet your spouse online, as I did, there's always going to be that little bit of doubt that the person you married isn't really who you think they were, so I'm not sure exactly where her mind went to when I started announcing this discovery that I was a giant fraud. But, fortunately, I wasn't talking about identity theft or anything like that. I was talking primarily about my career path and how my identity as an engineer really wasn't who I was. Being an engineer isn't where I derived excitement and satisfaction through work necessarily. And being an engineer isn't where I added the most value to my teams and the companies I've worked for.
07:36
So despite having engineering titles and roles and responsibilities for nearly 15 years...and while I like to think my technical competence was never in question...there was little doubt in my mind at that moment that it wasn't technical skills that opened up the opportunities I've had, because there are plenty more technically-minded folks than me. But what was it then? And why wouldn't I embrace and focus on whatever "it" was if it wasn't being an engineer? Why wouldn't I embrace that as I think about what my future might hold? Why would I let myself be limited by technical roles that aligned with what was written on my resume?
08:13
And through this rush of thoughts, it became clear that I loved working with people. And everybody says that, right? "I love developing people. I love working with people. I am an ‘XYZ’ in my job title, but, you know, I love working with people and communicating..."
08:28
And hopefully everyone in management has said this at some point in their careers. And you know, sure, these thoughts had been there before in my mind, and these were things I was proud of and would look for when I was hiring other people. But it wasn't something I would embrace above all else, because my professional identity was largely tied to me being an engineer. It was tied to the roles and responsibilities I had.
08:53
And everything else—all the people skills, all the soft skills, as important as they might be—were still relegated to "non-essential" or at least "secondary" skills. And for many reasons, it was the engineering titles that would always be front and center when you introduce yourself and when you explain what you do for a living. And it was those titles that somehow provided the most legitimacy to my career to that point—or at least so I thought.
09:17
And even if for a brief moment on occasion, over the years, I thought to myself, Hey, you know, it'd really be cool to do something different, something completely different, you know? But never in a million years would I actually consider transitioning to something I knew would surely pay less than being an engineer working in the energy industry. It would be silly. It would be a waste of the investment that I had made in my college education or the years of hard work to solidify my technical bona fides, if you will.
09:43
But clearly those thoughts couldn't have been more limiting and ridiculous, especially with my degree nearly 15 years in the mirror at that point, and especially since the last thing I would ever actually want to be is a real chemical engineer, as my degree says I am. So why did I spend years pushing those thoughts and desires to maybe do something a little bit different away? Why did I lock myself into what seemed like a stable career path?
10:11
Well, I'd argue it was because I was a fraud! And, sure, maybe that's a tad harsh. But whatever the reason, the important question was, "What could I do at that moment to ensure those limiting thoughts weren't going to continue...that they weren't going to continue limiting my idea of what I could or should do next with my career?"
10:31
Because one thing I needed to fully acknowledge is that time was on my side, and I am fully aware and sympathetic to those who are facing similar thoughts without time on their side. And what do I mean by that? You know, there are people who don't have the luxury of thinking about re-employment two months before ultimately losing their job as I did…and for those with children who were closer to entering college than than I was or for whom retirement is fast approaching. And so—to be crystal clear—I was and continue to be so very lucky regarding the timing of this.
11:02
So I needed to acknowledge these thoughts, and I needed to process them and do something with them and not set them aside because what had really become clear to me was that this was a very unique opportunity. But regardless of the timing, the key takeaway that nobody is going to steal from me was that I, Joe Sinnott, had been a fraud. And maybe—just maybe—I didn't have to be a fraud anymore! This was exciting, and my mind started going round and round, and I started feeling like my newly discovered fraudulence touched areas of my life well beyond my professional career.
11:32
Heck, even my hobbies were fraudulent...it was a few months prior to all of this happening when I was asking my wife what my hobbies were—besides work and spending time with my family—and she was quick to point out two of them....
11:44
And the first was engaging with scammers on the telephone. Yes, this was a hobby that she identified of mine. And we're not talking about me engaging with legitimate telemarketers, but with straight up scammers. Because for what was probably a year prior to all this happening, I'd be receiving tons and tons of calls and answering many of them, all of which were scams. There were people claiming to be from Microsoft, who were going to fix the viruses on my computer...or from Apple, and they just needed to access to my password in order to fix whatever problem there was with my account...or the best is people calling from the generic "credit card company" who are going to "reduce my interest rate," and all I need to do is give them my credit card number so they could just verify some purchases and make sure they can give me the lower rate.
12:26
And this hobby, so to speak—sad as it might sound to those of you with real hobbies—was based on fraudulent activity. So here we are...look, it's consistent! I'm engaging in conversations, stringing them along, and ultimately trying to end on a humorous note that often involved them using a different F-word other than fraud as my wife gave me dirty looks for allowing them to interrupt dinner. But, of course, I tell her that this was community service because I was stealing their time and that this time would have been used to scam more vulnerable people than me.
12:58
And the funny thing now—fast-forwarding to today—is that when I field those calls on occasion, I've now taken the time to get them excited and make sure they think I'm one of the gullible victims that they're after. And then I like to turn the call into a simple coaching session and asked them how they might use their talents of perseverance to do something more purposeful with their lives. But either way, there was something about these frauds that was apparently appealing to me, because again, I was clearly one of them!
13:22
And the other hobby of mine that she pointed out at the time is my following of the Pittsburgh Pirates, who some might also consider to be a group of frauds that I, for some reason, find appealing. Because if you're familiar with the performance of the Pittsburgh Pirates from the last quarter century, you could argue that they have been masquerading as a Major League Baseball team. While they, in reality—except for a handful of seasons—have essentially just been a minor league talent, fraudulently pretending to be a major league team to bring in TV and merchandise revenue...and the occasional few dollars from silly fans like me who enjoy attending games in person.
13:57
Anyway...two hobbies...both fraudulent. So as you can see and as you can imagine, when I excitedly shared all this with my wife, she was at least happy to hear that I hadn't completely gone off the rails and updated my LinkedIn headline to announce that I was a fraud. And she so politely and lovingly suggested that maybe I give my brain a rest for the evening and not make any rash decisions like screaming to the world how excited I was to realize how fraudulent my existence was to this point and how somehow this was going to propel me into something new and great and wonderful.
14:29
But regardless of what immediate action I was to take, it made sense to start thinking through some kind of plan, assuming I was indeed going to be terminated in the near future. And even if a full-fledged plan didn't take root, I at least needed to embrace this revelation somehow, and so into the weekend..and then into the following week, my head was still spinning, yet clear and free—but spinning. And I sensed then, as I do now, how valuable it would be for everyone to go through this experience and, ideally, to do it before being faced with the prospect of unemployment.
15:03
Because out of this experience, I obviously didn't just focus on the fraudulent definition of myself in my career. But it also forced me to ask what I really enjoyed, what really fueled me, what really defined me. And in looking back, I certainly enjoyed all the technical roles I had. I always put 100% of my energy into them, and I believe that my teams and my employers got their money's worth out of me. And if I were to start leading an engineering or data team again tomorrow, I'd enjoy the experience and would contribute again at the highest level possible. But the questions I began asking last year were, "How could I contribute at an even greater level now that I have this opportunity, if you will, to go and do something else? What are all the ways I could make a bigger impact on people's professional lives? Would another role like the ones I've had really be the most sustainable path for me and my family over the coming decades? What would seeking out something as close to what I've done and what I'm familiar with and what my resume says about me...what would that really mean for my future? What is truly important to me and my family? And what are the tools I was leveraging at work that I expect to continue to use moving forward?"
16:10
There's a lot of questions right there, right? And of all those questions, it was that last question that was one of the most eye-opening when I asked it of myself last year: What were the tools that I used the most that I want to continue using as I move on?
16:27
Because the tools and the skills that I was leaning on most heavily over the last several years didn't involve computer programming languages or the ability to whip up some fancy Excel workbook. The talents being demonstrated weren't based on complex reservoir engineering principles or geomechanics. No...without question, the three most impactful tools that I leaned on were much softer, and they all involved mindsets more so than technical training. And I had plenty of technical training, and companies have spent plenty of money for that training. And again, I think overall they got their money's worth.
17:03
But nothing has had a bigger impact on me and my teams than the money my previous employer spent on safety, innovation, and coaching. Because the things that are front and center in all I have done at work and at home for years are built on a safety mindset, an innovation mindset, and a coaching mindset. And safety, of course, is stated as the number one objective of virtually any oil and gas related company. And starting my career with Schlumberger, one of the largest service providers out there, meant that I was the beneficiary of a week of safety training in Oklahoma that they flew all new hires to on the second week of work.
17:41
And through that training we learned how to drive better and go about our business with a safety mindset. And in that week we touched on things and practiced things I had never thought of before but that I'll never forget...like the proper way to walk up and down stairs or what to do if you drift off the road a bit and drop a wheel. Incredibly useful and potentially life-saving driving tips that I will carry with me forever and have shared with others and will undoubtedly share with my children once they graduate from Cozy Coupes and Power Wheels and prepare to get their driver's license.
18:12
And beyond the tips and rules around safety that were imparted that week and nearly every day throughout my career that I've been in the field, the more important lessons are how to think about safety, how to perform a job safety analysis before performing a task, how to stop doing a task immediately if something doesn't seem right, and to ask yourself, "How could I or someone else be injured or killed by this process?" so that you can take proactive steps to mitigate the risks.
18:37
And that mindset obviously carries well beyond industrial processes and driving to everyday life: working around your home, playing with your children, going for a hike. And a safety mindset doesn't mean you're crippled by fear, but that you boost your awareness of what can go wrong, which in turn increases your enjoyment and focus and productivity.
18:58
And the second mindset I mentioned is innovation. And innovation can and often is dismissed as a buzzword. And if you're an engineer and you've been told already that you know "how to think and solve problems," some might almost look down on the concept initially. But for all the eye-rolling that an innovation initiative and innovation training can induce at a company—especially an energy company—where grit and determination and hard work is so valued, there isn't a day and rarely a waking hour that goes by in my life where I'm not tapping into something from the years of innovation training and initiatives that I had the good fortune of being a part of at my last employer.
19:32
And it is largely due to the innovation culture at my previous company and the innovation mindset instilled in me that my wife and I were able to effectively map out a plan and shift gears and ask ourselves how to tackle a transition away from the relatively stable existence we enjoyed for so many years.
19:49
And the third mindset is a coaching mindset. And up until a few years ago, I didn't know much at all about professional coaching or executive coaching. Sure, I'd read a leadership book here and there, and I understood the concept of mentorship within organizations. But what the heck is an executive coach? And what value might they bring?
20:07
Well, fortunately that question was answered about three years ago when my employer invested in a coach for me. And while I didn't realize it initially, and while at first it seemed like it would just be another agenda item for me to deal with and another meeting to squeeze into busy days when my phone was already constantly buzzing, it turned out that the timing was perfect and I leaned on that coaching to help navigate numerous family and professional challenges in the years that followed.
20:31
And the insights gained and the mindset shift play a role daily, and I lean on those experiences to help me, regardless of the hat I'm wearing at any given time, because as a husband, I'm a coach. As a manager, I'm a coach. As a father, I'm a coach. As a friend, I'm a coach. And I began to see how coaching helped others, too. Not just in the workplace, but at home as well.
20:52
My wife, as she transitioned back to society and some level of sanity after the birth of our twins, she invested in some life coaching that was hugely beneficial, not just to her and her mindset and her well-being, but to our entire family.
21:04
So, dwelling on the impact of coaching and this coaching mindset, if you will, and combining that with innovation and safety led me to see very clearly that all three of those items (coaching, innovation, and safety) probably had as much of an impact on my life than any other investment of time and money besides my college education, whose value is also measured more in the soft skills and mindset and intangible benefits than the technical skills I left there with.
21:37
And it was as clear as ever that an effective safety, innovation, and coaching approach could impact a company's bottom line even at times when people would be quick to dismiss an investment in those things as a waste of money and as a drain on their precious G&A budget. And those feelings of skepticism can certainly be heightened during times like these, where margins for oil and gas companies and many other industries are razor thin, if not negative. But just as you in your personal life need to increase your safety awareness and put on your innovation hat and really lean on reliable coaches during the most challenging of times, so too should companies double down on these things when times are tough.
22:15
And I began to see this all so very clearly back in July, and I began to view all the public examples where leaders clearly could have used someone to challenge them and hold them accountable and ask a few extra questions before making the decisions they did. And I decided at that moment—nearly 10 months ago now—that I wanted to be defined as someone who helps people. I wanted to be defined as a coach. Not as a technical expert, not primarily as an engineer, not as a manager. I wanted a label that could be front and center in both my professional and personal life. I wanted a label that I didn't have to qualify by saying, "I'm a chemical engineer, but I never actually did any of that chemical engineering stuff...oh, and I like people, too."
22:57
I wanted a label that reflected my authentic self. I wanted a label that wouldn't have me calling myself a "fraud" 10 years down the road. And the label I assigned to myself that night was "coach." And I ran with that label. And by the end of the month, I was signed up for months of formal coaching classes. And my head continued to spin excitedly with the thought of starting a new business—something I never ever thought I would want or have to do while working for 130 year old "stable" company where I had the support of management until those managers, of course, weren't there anymore...and until new management began taking charge...and things were obviously not as stable as I thought they had been.
23:39
And I knew then at that moment, as I know now, that I was incredibly lucky to actually have a rare period where I could gather my thoughts without interruption from family or work—to have had an opportunity to think through my next steps at a time in my life where I was still a decade away from potentially sending my first child to college and probably two decades away from worrying about retirement. And I was lucky to have been gifted the opportunity to shift my mindset through the investments my employer made in me so that I could identify what next steps I wanted and needed to take when that employer was no longer in the picture.
24:21
And ultimately, that's really what the message is today: that you can identify those things that seem to define the professional version of you. You can look at your LinkedIn headline or job titles and ask yourself how well those reflect who you are and who you want to be. And you can begin to identify today the things you want to define you and the things that you are unwavering about. And hopefully those professional labels and those personal characteristics intersect in some way so that you're not living a completely double-life. Because maybe you're not getting paid to do what you love, but you can absolutely ask yourself what steps you can take and what specific things you can do to get closer to the things you want to be defined as.
25:04
And for me, the things that have been driving me and that I valued above all else—even though I never had made a formal list—were family, faith, work ethic, education, and community. Those were the things that made up the authentic version of Joe Sinnott, and it's the times when they were set aside over the last 15 to 20 years that I felt the worst. And just as I said before how lucky I was to find myself with the time and the mindset to face the prospect of employment in the manner I did, I also realized how lucky I was to have gotten to this point in my life without really compromising on those values and those pillars that were so important to me. Because without them being front and center—again they weren't written down and they weren't front and center and I didn't carry them with me—and because I wasn't carrying them with me, I really had no way of measuring my life decisions beyond a "gut feel" of what's right and wrong, which generally is enough to get through life.
26:01
But I didn't have a checklist to run through to make sure the decisions I made were fully aligned with the things I valued. But once you do discover those things and you do lay them out, it's powerful. It's really, really powerful, and it sure helps you reduce the odds of finding yourself leading a "fraudulent existence." And it sure helps push out self doubt when you can quickly and easily see how your actions are tied deeply to your authentic self, even if your professional label or job title at the time is far from what you want.
26:32
So I ask you now, what are your core values? What are the things that are unwavering for you? How would things look if you threw those things on a piece of paper and started connecting them to the decisions you make day in and day out? How do your decisions both big and small tie to those core values? How can you measure your alignment and progress against those values or those pillars of authenticity, if you will?
26:57
And during the last several weeks of navigating the pandemic and everything that comes with that, how have you made what used to be simple decisions? Have you put pencil (or marker) to paper and sketched something like what to do for dinner? Should you venture out to the supermarket? What's the best way to go out and get some exercise? How do I tell someone I don't really want to do a zoom call even though they know (or at least assume) that I am home all day with nothing to do and probably no excuse not to accept their call? How do you make those decisions?
27:25
Because I promise you that when you do an exercise like this and when you list out just a handful of things that are really important to you, those values that are unwavering that make the authentic you you...when you start writing those things down and you start connecting the dots to all the decisions you're making, you're going to quickly see how often you're falling into the trap of being a fraud. How often you're acting a certain way because you think that's what's expected, how often you're giving into the pressure of the labels you put on yourself or other people have put on you, and how often you're ignoring all of the signs pointing you to the simple answer you know is best, even if it doesn't align with expectations.
28:06
And if the answers you're seeking now are related to a career transition, it's critical to know that while often these "ah-ha" moments that I have described from my own life are a result of some major life event like losing a job or some outside force like the pandemic, the key is that they don't have to be triggered by some event. And that's why I'm sharing this today. You don't need a wake up call or a job loss to ask yourself in what ways you've been living a fraudulent existence and to identify the handful of values and pillars within your life that need to remain standing tall in order for you to consider yourself authentic.
28:44
You don't need some sudden financial instability to spur this thinking. You don't need a week-long retreat on the top of a mountain. You don't need to immerse yourself in books and blogs and influencers (and podcasts). And you definitely don't need a two month COVID-induced break from society. You need to ask yourself a few simple questions...and keep asking...and write that fake LinkedIn headline and park it front center in your brain. Or maybe on your sink. Or maybe as the background on your phone...
29:16
And embrace that that new definition of you, and laugh at all the ways you've been a fraud over the years and inconsistent with this new definition. Take pride in the ways that you remained authentic in the face of challenges before. And pretend that you have the chance right now to craft a future that reflects your authentic self and isn't defined by the fraudulent labels you and others have assigned.
29:43
And while this episode has been focused on you as an individual, keep in mind that your authenticity—or lack of authenticity—is on display for everyone to see, especially if you have some amount of influence with others. So as a final question today for everyone in a current or future position of leadership, ask...
"Am I unwittingly encouraging others to embrace an inauthentic existence and follow a fraudulent path that will inevitably lead them to waste time and waste energy that could have instead been used to contribute in a more impactful, sustainable, and fulfilling way to our shared goals?"
30:23
And as you ponder that, please allow me your fraudulent host, Joe Sinnott, to sincerely (and authentically) thank you for listening to Part 1 of my story, with special acknowledgement to all of you with a decade or two of experience who currently find yourselves anxiously asking, "What do I want to be when I grow up?"
And while nobody is better suited to answer that question than you, I do welcome the opportunity to connect with you, to challenge you, and to help you more confidently uncover additional questions to ask yourself as you explore a transition of any kind. So to get in touch with me or to find out what phone number to dial if you want to pretend to be a scammer...or to learn more about The Energy Detox or its sponsor, Witting Partners, please visit us at theenergydetox.com.
31:09
And until Part 2 of this authentically fraudulent conversation where we'll wind back the clock a bit on my career journey and help you prevent people from perceiving you to be something you're not, please remember that you don't have to wait for a job loss or some major life event to redefine and reinvent yourself. And you don't have to limit your answer to the question of "what do you do for a living?" to the things that appear in the work history section of your resume.
Thanks again.